'Excuse me, Sir, I'm trying to find the Curse of Ham Street.
It shouldn't be far from here.'
'I'm sorry, Sir, there isn't any Curse of Ham Street here.
There's only a Curse on Canaan Street in this town.'
'No, it's the Curse of Ham Street.
I looked on Google Maps and it said "Curse of Ham Street", "of Ham".
They're very detailed.
It must be near.'
'I wouldn't be so sure, Sir.
Google sometimes moves in a mysterious way and sometimes, in an equally
mysterious way, does not move.
When my son Benny googles his name, the first thirty or more results he
gets all refer to pages by me or other people saying or showing something
about me or my family using old domain names, not one to his
more-than-two-year-old own pages with his new domain name.
The Curse of Ham Street does not exist, Sir.
Never existed, so far as I know.'
'Isn't this the Noah District, then?'
'You bet it is.
The Noah's Ark Avenue used to run right through the middle until it was
flooded and cut into two in the One Couple Valley.'
'Yes, yes, I saw that on Google Maps too.
The one part ends in a cul-de-sac at Four Couple Hill now, the other part
at Seven Couple Mountain.
Remarkable names, aren't they?'
'Indeed, Sir, but you can only stretch it so far.
The hill also used to be called "One Couple Hill", while the mountain was
called "Four Couple Mountain", but someone changed his mind about the hill
and the mountain and elevated them to four and seven couples.
Such a fantastic change of mind had to be honoured, I gather.
No-one thought of the hyphens before the "Couple"s, but you know: where the
majority forgets things the majority is right.'
'Now I remember, the Curse of Ham Street is shown on Google Maps as a
side street of Noah's Ark Avenue Left.'
'No, Sir, there is no Curse of Ham Street in this town, not even a side
I told you so.
Perhaps, you clicked a link to the Curse of Hampton Manor by accident, and
you're now confusing that one with Noah's curse on Ham's son.
But it would be my pleasure to show you how to get from here to the Curse
on Canaan Street, if you're interested.
Anyone who's not inebriated can easily walk it from here.'
'No, thank you, it definitely says "Curse of Ham Street" on Google Maps.'
'Would you mind stopping asking me then.
I just finished weeding my own little vegetable garden and now the mayor
wants me to do the same in his vineyard.
It's a huge vineyard and ...'
'Well, you're extremely helpful to someone who's politely asking for some
'I just can't be bothered by the same silly question all the time.'
'You know what?'
'That bloody son Benny of yours is a wicked bastard.
May shame shadow him and the devil dog him and all his descendants!
Good day, Sir!'